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Sharon Spiegelman, the protagonist of Allegra Goodman's second novel, Paradise
Park, we're presented with a type familiar to just about everyone who
grew up in the 1970s: the spiritual dilettante. You may remember her, gliding
through the haze of those years: She was the hair-down-to-her-hips summer
camp counselor with the bright, determinedly naïve smile; she was the
fired-up president of the high school ecology club; she was the one at the
rock concert who'd hand a stranger a joint, find out he'd read Siddhartha,
too, and end up making out with him during "Freebird." She had
a vague but powerful urgency toward the aura of all things spiritual --
was in love with the word "spiritual," in fact, not to mention
"aura" -- and it never surprised you to learn, as you grew older,
that she had gone off to this ashram in Oregon or that EST training in California,
or that she was working in an organic juice bar and teaching Yoga in an
adult education program. For her, enthusiasm in the modern sense meant the
same thing as enthusiasm in the original sense (from the Greek en-theos:
having a God within). Yet she was totally indiscriminate about what excited
her, a hapless religious mess who somehow survived bouncing from one enthusiasm
to another by virtue of a boundless optimistic energy (aka American naivete,
aka Life Force) that almost redeemed the silliness of her entire journey.
Sharon Spiegelman
is that type of woman, and Paradise Park is the record of her comic
religious odyssey. Goodman is a strong, confident prose stylist -- limpid
with description, cogent with characterization, funny, infectious, and
able very quickly to establish intimacy between Sharon, who tells her
story first person, and the reader. The way the irrepressible flakiness
of Sharon's voice dovetails with the "and then this happened, and
then this happened" quality of her picaresque narrative has to count
as some kind of triumph. (Sometimes it feels like The Adventures of
Aggie March.) Though I got plenty tired of Sharon's search, I never
really got tired of her voice. Long after it became clear to me that Paradise
Park didn't have anything interesting to say about the life of the
spirit, I still found enough spirit in the voice to keep going.
The problem
with Sharon's search -- what makes it tiresome, eventually -- is that
neither she nor Goodman, I'm afraid, realizes that her spiritual search
won't ever go anywhere as long as she remains blind to her own narcissism.
And Sharon, unfortunately, is blind as a bat this way. Throughout her
twenty-year search, she never gets hold of the idea that the religious
life might involve grappling with things like death, the suffering of
others, or evil.
For her,
it's always about epiphanies, blissful momentary revelations, and the
kind of neural excitement that makes her put exclamation points at the
end of way too many sentences: "Prayer is about joy! It's about love!
It's about expansion! If it doesn't come as naturally as leaves on a tree,
then you shouldn't go at all!" This last sentence is an allusion
to Keats, but my how diluted it is, and how it's really about me me me.
Sharon's
paradigmatic religious experience occurs eighty pages into the book, during
a whale-watching boat trip off the Hawaiian coast. A whale comes near
the boat, "almost close enough to touch," and
"It
was as if the whole ocean slid back for an instant, the surface of the
water sliding off and opening as that tail reached and tipped itself.
It was as if the whole ocean was sliding open. And I saw something there.
The world was big, not little. The place was deep. The sky swung back
in liquid gold, the air mixed with the water. I saw something. It was
a whale, but not just the whale. It was a vision. It was a vision of God.
"I was
shivering, just in pure terror; just in shock -- because all of a sudden
I'd seen it -- all the power of the world, all this presence and wisdom
that wasn't human."
The rest
of her search is not so much about re-connecting to that vision of vastness
whose "presence" and "wisdom" she calls God, but about
feeling awed and knocked out by something overwhelming and sublime. She
wants to keep that ecstatic feeling alive, and whenever it seems out of
reach, because, say, the Zen monastery requires her to shut up and meditate,
or because the Hasidic sect she joins requires submission to all those
rules in Leviticus and Deuteronomy, she gives up and runs off to try something
else. Sharon is funny, but she's a flake; she's full of life, but she
can also be full of shit.
At first,
this search of hers is random: she hears about a Mind-Body-Spirit Exploration
Seminar, and signs on; when the seminar leader grabs her breast, she splits.
Then she becomes a born again Christian (Q: "Do you accept Jesus
Christ as your personal savior?" A: "Yes!
Yes!
Yeah!!!
Yippee!")
When her feelings about that predictably go south, she drops acid for
a while. Then she goes to a Tibetan monastery, and then she studies religion
at the University of Hawaii. And then she
and then she
.
And then
she goes to Israel to study Judaism (and reconnect with an old boyfriend).
Whereupon the novel starts to get some measure of spiritual focus, narrowing
to the Judaism that Sharon begins to realize is in her blood, if not in
her totally secular upbringing. She knocks around among Jews reformed
and orthodox, finding occasional "Aha!" moments but always chafing
against those damned rules that religions always seem to impose on the
faithful. Eventually -- we're fifteen years down the road now -- she connects
with a group of Hasidic Jews ("transcendentalist Jews" she calls
them in hopes that they'll meld Mosaic Law and William Blake) and longs
for an end to her restlessness. She finds a devout man, marries and has
a child, but we get no sense that her restlessness is over. This wouldn't
be so bad if we felt that she had grown some during the last twenty years,
but Sharon is remarkably set in her way of thinking, even stubborn, for
such a free spirit.
At forty,
she sounds almost exactly the way she does at twenty, as if she hasn't
really learned a thing. And her self-absorption, her inability to empathize
or understand other people's struggles, is amazing and telling.
Living at
a Jewish school in Washington called the Bais Sarah Institute, Sharon
listens to another woman complaining that "It's like a prison here,"
and thinks, "I really couldn't imagine what her problem was,"
though until she arrived at the institute, filled with wide-eyed hope,
that was exactly the kind of thing Sharon would have said herself. A year
later, living with a Hasidic family swarming with nine children and an
obviously burdened mother, she barely lifts a finger to help.
Not that
she isn't called on her self-absorption, particularly by boyfriends. One
"kept saying the point was to learn, not to get caught up in ego."
Another, more penetratingly, tells her, "I think you talk so much
about your seeking and your spiritual growth you don't actually manage
to do any. I think you're so focused on yourself you're blind to what's
actually happening to you." Would that Sharon had listened. Would
that Allegra Goodman had printed out those sentences and taped them to
her computer while she wrote. Goodman seems to have fallen so under the
spell of Sharon's good-sport adventuresomeness that she doesn't realize
what a shallow spiritual life she's created for her -- that Sharon's search
is a search for another Whale High.
The unbearable
lightness of Sharon's religious flight is brought home at the end of the
book, when Sharon reunites with her parents at her newborn son's bris.
She's shocked when her parents mention that they thought she might name
her child "Andrew," after Sharon's brother who died in a car
accident when he was eighteen and she was about thirteen. "This had
never occurred to me," she thinks. "And there were Mom and Dad,
after all those years, still with their sorrow. How could they not feel
it? I had never even realized a sliver of how they must have felt until
just that moment." Now, this isn't a teenager talking here about
those weird things called parental emotions; this is a forty-year old
woman who's been pondering religious faith -- and presumably mortality
-- for fully half her life. And the kicker is that even now, Sharon has
not a single word to say -- Goodman has nothing to say -- about how she
feels about her brother's death. She's avoided it the whole novel, and
doesn't face it here either.
Is it possible
to write a novel of religious search -- even a comic one -- and not deal
with death or intense suffering? I don't think so. Not unless religion
is a mere matter of personal feeling, of "wows," ecstasies,
and blisses. Sharon Spiegelman's desire to fashion a connection to the
cosmos is more of an escape -- through self-absorption -- from her own
suffering than an attempt to understand suffering. As sexist as it sounds,
I keep wishing she'd have listened more to her boyfriends.
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