Was Boris Karloff a Jewish name? no -- he's wrapping me up like The Mummy, except it's only my arm, and it's only for a minute, and I'm still alive -- ropes made of words tying me up, tying me off, like some -- hey, not too tight, old Rabbi teaching me! -- like some young Jewish junkie -- or maybe more like those modern tattoos you take off when you get tired of them -- running up and down my arm -- he's pulling strings of prayers from a little box, like a tiny tape dispenser, perched on my shoulder -- like a talking parrot --strands of speech -- like cartoon words coming from a character's mouth into the air -- from a parrot's mouth -- a parrot junkie with a little Yiddish accent -- this is what I think as I -- not knowing what I'm doing -- do this -- make associations to keep myself awake -- make no effort -- don't apply myself at all -- to the ancient ritual, to the old language -- now around my arm -- so solemn -- they say people were executed for even attempting it -- and here I am, in the seventies -- only cartoons coming to me -- only pop culture coming to me -- what's my connection to it? -- in the suburbs, the "golden ghetto" -- but in the old country, from some attic, they'd be rounded up and executed --I'm uninterested -- not disinterested, that means impartial -- see? even grammar is more gripping -- slack strands around my -- like he's wrapping a gift -- a present -- hey, old rabbi, address my arm and give it as a gift! -- put a ribbon on all the religion I'm wearing -- and what a wardrobe -- wrapped around me like some kind of cummerbund -- hey, that's funny, spelled "cum" like ejaculate -- you know, ejaculate means not just jissim but a kind of crying out? I read it in a book -- tying tefillin around my arm -- to fill in --"Another space to fill in -- acid booze and ass -- needles, guns and grass -- lots of laughs" -- Joni Mitchell, Blue -- what an album, one of her best -- but they're all so great -- cummerbund or bundt? -- bundt cake, Germans -- people pulled from attics -- by their beards -- pants pulled down in the streets, humiliated in front of their house -- then beaten like rugs -- my rug -- cut hebrew school by literally lying on the floor of my house -- on the rug -- so the car pool couldn't see me -- not hiding from Hitler but from Michael Brodsky's mother -- getting up only when she's gone -- hebrew school for two and a half hours, three days a week - two and a half -- numbers tattooed on their arms -- hair on my arm -- shaving soon? -- Dad said so -- around my arm -- hey, old Rabbi, here's my hand.

Performance

Now sitting onstage -- behind the Rabbi saying something -- same old Rabbi -- he's introducing me -- an opening act, like Las Vegas -- lots of cummerbunds in the crowd -- what's he saying? -- some silly shit -- whoops, I made a face -- behind him, I made a face that said "silly shit" -- didn't even mean to - hey, who's laughing? -- someone in the audience -- Mom's friend, Mrs. Posner -- I got a laugh! -- I'm on a stage -- it's a show -- I heckled him -- only without words - okay, behind him, make more faces now -- arch the eyebrows, slant the sides of the mouth down -- make a "woo hoo, aren't you a big shot Rabbi" face -- "The Silent Spot," Red Skelton, remember? -- everyone always said "Skeleton" -- skeletons showing through their skin, fingers weaving in barbed wire -- I'm a "little tramp" -- Charlot, the French called Chaplin -- there! I got more laughs! -- I'm killing -- people killed, but I can't help it -- I'm a hit -- hit in the streets, humiliated -- hey, back off, History, I'm hilarious! -- okay, make a Jackie Gleason "I'm a stupid moax" face now -- Jackie played "Gigot," a Chaplin thing, a French mute, what a movie -- purse one side of the mouth, move the cheek in -- yes! got 'em! -- make a mockery -- but what's the harm? -- before I read those meaningless words I memorized -- I mean, comedy's a Jewish tradition, too, isn't it? -- all those live theaters on the Lower East Side -- more faces - laughs come in little waves now with breaks in-between -- like when you take attendance -- "present!" (beat) "present!" (beat) "present!" -- beaten in the streets -- present? you bet I am, baby! -- no more past -- one more punchline! -- face, don't fail me now! - pray to this!-- roll my eyes to heaven now -- shtick! -- sure hope someone's up there to see me -- anybody home? -- ho ho ho -- I'm home and I'm home free! -- hee hee hee -- I'm the man with a million funny fa -- whoops, the Rabbi just turned and saw me -- uh-oh, now he's turned back and saying something mean to the crowd about my family -- something snotty and snide, couched as a compliment -- about our "special" way of worshipping -- well, fuck you, old Rabbi! -- here's another face, behind your back! -- bingo! -- hear that? - bigger than before! -- in the present -- come and get me, Gestapo!

Party

Jesus -- and whose idea was this? - Mom and Dad's, of course -- use the backyard as a kind of banquet hall -- tables on grass, a tent -- it's a circus -- and I had to invite guests -- had to invite all the kids I hate -- from sixth to seventh grade, friends all turned on me -- little Long Island collaborators -- heads shaved, line 'em up -- friends all fell out -- fell off, like from a ledge between embankments --we made our way between mountains -- from Mt. Elementary School to Junior High School Mountain -- they didn't follow me or I didn't follow them -- did they drop off and disappear or did I cut them loose? -- who cares? -- either way, don't want them here -- they hate me, too - look at them, kids mulling around, miserable -- they don't even dance -- whose idea? -- Mom and Dad's -- their party, their pals -- old Rabbi even here -- want just the present -- want to find the future -- want to pass through the past -- no more Jewish mayhem, not even my own misery -- flick it all away, like a damn barking dog who's already eaten -- but they're still here -- my "pals" in their little suits and party dresses -- with the beginnings of breasts -- well, that's good, getting breasts, that's something, anyway -- awkward age -- "You're growing up" -- that's what Mom says, that's why I'm so grumpy -- they pursue me, my persecutors -- go away! -- hey, my big brother, his gorgeous girlfriend, they've found my sullen friends -- "So, where are your presents?" he's asking them, he's such a smart- ass -- "I see you've already got your gift," one boy's answering, gawking at the girlfriend -- not so awkward, after all -- "How'd you like a punch in the face?" my brother asks him back, angry, face red -- "asks" is not -- it's rhetorical, I read it in a book -- grammar again -- things are swiftly disintegrating -- they're rushing towards a rumble -- all of them will be leaping into the air soon, feet flung out, like "West Side Story" -- and they don't even dance -- fingers snapping -- "something's coming"- have to head it off, before someone gets hurt -- a riot, a pogrom -- so distant, nothing to do with me -- my parents, my people -- "Why don't you all just get out?" I say, suddenly, to my 'friends' -- "Why don't you all just go home?" -- long pause -- beat -- then, surprisingly, they do, they're going -- shambling, stumbling, shuffling out -- hey, it worked! -- I'm growing up - no more obligation -- no arbitrary events -- all false -- first old Rabbi, now this -- yes! I did it! - no more past -- my future unrolled now, like -- scroll -- whatever it is that -- that Torah thing you take out -- so many suffered for - a covenant with -- who again? -- sorry, but this is the best I can do at 13, stuck in the suburbs -- all you suffering souls, behind barbed wire, inside those attics -- this is the highest I can rise, the free-est I can be - so follow me, my old ancestors, as I make my way into the main event, my parents' party -- and celebrate! -- ejaculate! -- can you picnic? -- surrey down -- can you dig it? -- I can dig it! -- Because today I am a man -- (no joke) -- a man oh Manischevitz, what a wine -- whine, they say we all whine -- the long and winding road -- Ringo Starr, a Jewish name? -- who knows about anything now? -- maybe -- maybe it even is.